My baby’s father has left me while pregnant. Do you have any advice?
Hello everybody. Where to start!
Well, I’m 24 years old & 5 months pregnant with my 1st baby. The father left me when I was 12 weeks pregnant. We were crazy about each other & totally committed, that is, until the day we shut ourselves in the bathroom together & watched that little stick come up positive. He instantly changed, right from the minute that the second ‘yep, you’re pregnant’ line showed up on the home test. He sat in stone silence for 20 minutes, then walked out of my house & I haven’t seen him since.
He wouldn’t/won’t return my calls, he removed me from his email contact list, removed me from his facebook, he won’t see me or talk to me & left ‘the break up’ box of my stuff in my porch one day when I was out. He didn’t even bother voicing the words out loud that he was leaving me, he just disappeared. He couldn’t even reply to me when I left a message pleading with him to just let me know if there was a medical history in his family that my midwife needed to know. He sent me one single text message almost instructing me to “get rid” & when I sent one back saying that wasn’t an option for me, he replied telling me not to contact him until the baby’s born & even then he want’s a DNA test. Even though we were in love, committed & the word “cheat” doesn’t even enter my vocabulary, he just had to insult me that much further by insinuating that our child might not be his. It’s like the love of my life so far, the only man who I’ve ever wanted with so much passion, the only one who’s ever made my heart skip & my brain go mushy, literally turned into a unrecognisable, hateful monster overnight.
So now I haven’t seen or spoken to him in nearly 3 months. He thinks our baby is an “it,” he doesn’t know we’re having a little boy. He hasn’t heard his heart or seen his tiny body on a scan monitor like I have. He doesn’t know that the unfairness & depression of it all put me in hospital a month ago with stress induced high blood pressure. I was diagnosed with Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy which translated, roughly means, broken heart syndrome. My baby was in distress because I was, his heart was struggling & irregular, it was like because my heart was breaking, his was too. The father doesn’t know that he did that to us. But I’ve just finished a month of bed rest at my parents place, a nice comfortable, stress free environment so I’m doing much better. My baby is now as healthy as can be at least. Thank god.
But I’m just scared silly now of what being a single mum will mean. I was legally advised to write to his parents, what with them being the paternal grandparents & offer an olive branch. I had to do this because I knew that he hadn’t breathed a word of my pregnancy. I did this as I’ve only met them a dozen or so times & I didn’t want to be slapped with a court ordered visitation request under the Grandparents Rights Act by almost strangers, I was advised that writing would give us the oppurtunity to become more aquainted & I’d feel more comfortable leaving my baby with them should they ever apply for visitation. They never wrote back.
I’ve been advised to get in touch with the CSA & get “what I deserve” but now I’m thinking, is it worth it? Even though I loved this man not too long ago & I’m still trying to box axay my old feelings for him, I don’t want him anywhere near my son. This man who never wanted him will hurt him, not physically, but emotionally. He won’t love him like I do & he won’t keep him safe no matter what. He wouldn’t risk everything for him like I would & he’d take him to people I barely know who might not feed him the way I like, or bathe him properly or dress him warmly enough or who might leave him crying for ages before picking him up. I’m literally scared witless of handing my baby over for the weekend or whatever to these people. It’s got to the point where I’m thinking that if it’s going to give him a right, I don’t want to claim child support off him. I’d rather sell everything I have to pay for my son rather than subject him to a dead beat dad who doesn’t love him.
So now my mind races every single day. There’s a million other things to consider about being a single mum such as the financial strain, worrying that a man will never want me again now that I’m going to be part of a package deal & worrying over whether it will affect my sons state of mind not having a dad around. And I wish I could say my friends have been brilliantly supportive but they haven’t. Someone once told me that most friends are fairweather & I’ve recently begun to understand the meaning in that. My friends like being around me when I’m bubbly, happy & the life & soul, but when something real is happening with me, like now, I go weeks without hearing from them. Even my so called best friend of 15 years. So it’d be nice to maybe get some nice words or advice through. Is anybody going or has been through a similar situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Even if I don’t get replies or posts to this thread, it’s been nice to vent because like I said, listening ears have been a bit thin on the ground recently!
Have a lovely day everybody, thank you for reading. B. xx
Has anyone experienced a similar situation of being abandoned during her pregnancy? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Even if I do not get answers or messages on this thread, it was nice to get free a bit.